In order to assist the kids in writing out their Valentines, I sent home a list containing the names of every kid in the class. Basically, I photocopies my attendance sheet.
The funniest part of this is that almost every kid had addressed a valentine to themselves! (To: Brad From: Brad)
None of them had any clue that they had done this either. As they were distributing their cards, they would read out loud who it was to. They didn't even think twice when reading that they had given themselves a valentine.
Friday, February 14, 2003
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Valentines Day Party
We had a Valentines day party. The activity was frosting and decorating heart shaped sugar cookies. It was awesome! We had like 10 different kinds of candy to decorate with, and the kids absolutely loved it! They had a ball decorating their cookies. The problem arose when the kids had to take turns going to the "decorating table".
I had set up a table in back with the cookies, frosting, plates and all the little decorating candies. There was only enough room for three kids at a time to be there. I chose three kids at a time to go back, and made my selections based on behavior, so they decorated in an order of best to worst behaved kids. The order started with Lindsay, Peter and The New Kid and would end with Brad, Jamal and Augusta.
This freaked Augusta, causing him to assume there would be slim pickings on the candy. He was pissed off. He was so pissed off and concerned about the candy usage, that he took it upon himself to monitor, from his desk, each students decorating job.
None of the other kids in my class would ever think this way. They would be pissed because they had to wait so long to make their cookie, but never would it occur to them to be pissed at the depletion of candy. There was heaps and mounds of candy on that back table. Ten plates full of different candy; we weren't going to run out if there had been fifteen Augustas decorating cookies.
I knew this, but Augusta didn't. He watched each kids cookies like a greedy hawk, constantly commenting about using too much candy. It was pissing me off because they kids were having a good time doing a special activity.
I had warned him to pipe down a few different times before he called Tom a "fat pig" for using lots of candy on his cookie, and eating some while he decorated. I sent him out to sit in the hall. Right before it would have been his turn to make a cookie, the office buzzed my room, informing me that Augusta's mother was in the office to pick him up early, and I was to send him down ready to go home.
This made my day. All his worrying had been done in vain, and in the end, he would have no cookie to eat.
I went out to the hall to tell him to get his stuff and go down to the office, his mother was here to get him. He refuses to go. I went back in the room and packed all his stuff up for him. I then went out to the hall to give it to him. He refused to take it, so I put it on the floor next to him. He refused to get up, to walk down the office, etc.
I wanted him out of there. He was being rude and disobedient. He wouldn't go. This is when Riti Sped forms a brilliant plan.
I remember that Augusta had really enjoyed the play Hansel and Gretel that we had seen two weeks earlier. I gave my aide a bag of Hershey Kisses. She went out to the hall and laid them out in a scattered trail, leading to the office. I give Augusta a paper sack, and tell him there is a trail of treats laid out that will lead him to a prize. He jumps up and snatches the bag out of my hand. I had never before seen him move his big ass so fast.
He begins furiously picking up the chocolates. He was like a police dog searching for drugs. My aide followed Augusta out and all the way to the office. I needed her there in the end, as I knew he would be upset and accuse me of lying. He gets to the office where his mom is waiting. He completely ignores her, and inquires about the location of his prize. "Well it is your mom Augusta, she is your special prize!" my aide happily announces to him.
He does not like this one bit. He starts bitching out his mom in front of the entire office staff. He was saying things like she was to buy him a bag of cookies, and that she ruined his plan for his cookie.
He finally calmed down when his mom agreed to buy him his OWN ice cream pie from Baskin Robbins that he would not have to share with anybody.
I had set up a table in back with the cookies, frosting, plates and all the little decorating candies. There was only enough room for three kids at a time to be there. I chose three kids at a time to go back, and made my selections based on behavior, so they decorated in an order of best to worst behaved kids. The order started with Lindsay, Peter and The New Kid and would end with Brad, Jamal and Augusta.
This freaked Augusta, causing him to assume there would be slim pickings on the candy. He was pissed off. He was so pissed off and concerned about the candy usage, that he took it upon himself to monitor, from his desk, each students decorating job.
None of the other kids in my class would ever think this way. They would be pissed because they had to wait so long to make their cookie, but never would it occur to them to be pissed at the depletion of candy. There was heaps and mounds of candy on that back table. Ten plates full of different candy; we weren't going to run out if there had been fifteen Augustas decorating cookies.
I knew this, but Augusta didn't. He watched each kids cookies like a greedy hawk, constantly commenting about using too much candy. It was pissing me off because they kids were having a good time doing a special activity.
I had warned him to pipe down a few different times before he called Tom a "fat pig" for using lots of candy on his cookie, and eating some while he decorated. I sent him out to sit in the hall. Right before it would have been his turn to make a cookie, the office buzzed my room, informing me that Augusta's mother was in the office to pick him up early, and I was to send him down ready to go home.
This made my day. All his worrying had been done in vain, and in the end, he would have no cookie to eat.
I went out to the hall to tell him to get his stuff and go down to the office, his mother was here to get him. He refuses to go. I went back in the room and packed all his stuff up for him. I then went out to the hall to give it to him. He refused to take it, so I put it on the floor next to him. He refused to get up, to walk down the office, etc.
I wanted him out of there. He was being rude and disobedient. He wouldn't go. This is when Riti Sped forms a brilliant plan.
I remember that Augusta had really enjoyed the play Hansel and Gretel that we had seen two weeks earlier. I gave my aide a bag of Hershey Kisses. She went out to the hall and laid them out in a scattered trail, leading to the office. I give Augusta a paper sack, and tell him there is a trail of treats laid out that will lead him to a prize. He jumps up and snatches the bag out of my hand. I had never before seen him move his big ass so fast.
He begins furiously picking up the chocolates. He was like a police dog searching for drugs. My aide followed Augusta out and all the way to the office. I needed her there in the end, as I knew he would be upset and accuse me of lying. He gets to the office where his mom is waiting. He completely ignores her, and inquires about the location of his prize. "Well it is your mom Augusta, she is your special prize!" my aide happily announces to him.
He does not like this one bit. He starts bitching out his mom in front of the entire office staff. He was saying things like she was to buy him a bag of cookies, and that she ruined his plan for his cookie.
He finally calmed down when his mom agreed to buy him his OWN ice cream pie from Baskin Robbins that he would not have to share with anybody.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Eye and ear test produces surprising results
We had the school nurse do an annual vision and hearing screening today. Every year one is done with each kid in the school, including my tards.
This year, the results SHOCKED ME: only 2 of my kids had sufficient seeing abilities and only 6 could hear properly.
HOLY SHIT!! Think of what they could accomplish if they could see and hear!!
This year, the results SHOCKED ME: only 2 of my kids had sufficient seeing abilities and only 6 could hear properly.
HOLY SHIT!! Think of what they could accomplish if they could see and hear!!
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Lindsay is observant
Lindsay is such a sweet little girl. She is generally quiet, compliant, and composed. This is why what happened today is so funny.
At the end of reading group Augusta stands up. Lindsay is sitting right behind him. She looks at his pants, which were exceptionally tight today, and says very loudly, but to no one in particular, "Oh My God!!!! Augusta just keeps getting fatter and fatter!!"
At the end of reading group Augusta stands up. Lindsay is sitting right behind him. She looks at his pants, which were exceptionally tight today, and says very loudly, but to no one in particular, "Oh My God!!!! Augusta just keeps getting fatter and fatter!!"
Monday, February 10, 2003
Show and tell
Monday during sharing time The New Kid brings in something I have not yet seen a kid do. Instead of the usual doll or truck, this kid had gone through all of the Sunday newspaper's sale ads, and picked out all the things he wanted.
He brought the actual ads to school, giving a lengthy commentary on each item and why he wanted it. Most items were DVD's, Playstation 2 games, and food. He also held up each picture and showed it to the class just like I show them the pictures when reading them a story--it was killing me:
"The next picture is Lucky Charms. They are two for five dollars right now at Safeway, the offer is good until 2-24. I like the marshmallows, and they are good. That's why I want them."
Comedy like this makes it all worth while.
He brought the actual ads to school, giving a lengthy commentary on each item and why he wanted it. Most items were DVD's, Playstation 2 games, and food. He also held up each picture and showed it to the class just like I show them the pictures when reading them a story--it was killing me:
"The next picture is Lucky Charms. They are two for five dollars right now at Safeway, the offer is good until 2-24. I like the marshmallows, and they are good. That's why I want them."
Comedy like this makes it all worth while.
Friday, February 7, 2003
New kid might have problems
The new kid hasn't made any friends. I can't understand this. He is possibly my favorite tard right now. He is cute, funny, energetic, imaginative, and his family is fucked up. He also likes to talk about the fam (see e.g., 1/15: New Kid has interesting background).
I have noticed that he plays alone at recess. He also plays weird things, like tracking imaginary dinosaurs, killing aliens, pretending to be an invisible mystery man, Inspector Gadget, etc. It really breaks my heart to see him play alone. If I had nothing better to do I would go play with him.
I voiced this concern to him the other day. He responded thus: "I don't need friends, I've got em' in my head."
I have noticed that he plays alone at recess. He also plays weird things, like tracking imaginary dinosaurs, killing aliens, pretending to be an invisible mystery man, Inspector Gadget, etc. It really breaks my heart to see him play alone. If I had nothing better to do I would go play with him.
I voiced this concern to him the other day. He responded thus: "I don't need friends, I've got em' in my head."
Thursday, February 6, 2003
Augusta doesn't like this tard birthday
We celebrated a tard's birthday today. She turned eleven. She had brought cupcakes from Safeway. They were not home made. In preparation for the celebration and cupcakes, I make them all wash their hands.
Augusta has never felt that the classroom washing facilities were adequate, so he always washes in the restroom. This also allows him to avoid waiting in line to wash his hands, and he can take all the time he wants.
The girl passes out the cupcakes, we sing happy birthday to her, and Augusta still had not come back. As the kids begin eating, he finally returns. (note: the cupcakes looked nasty, as they had bright red frosting. But they were made at a bakery, so I did not complain.)
Augusta walks in and sits down at the table. He takes one look at the cupcake and gets so angry that he turns it over and smears it all over the table. He looks at the kid next to him and says "I can't believe you can eat that, it looks like abortion."
I could not help but laugh. It was quite a vivid metaphor.
Then I sent him to the office.
Augusta has never felt that the classroom washing facilities were adequate, so he always washes in the restroom. This also allows him to avoid waiting in line to wash his hands, and he can take all the time he wants.
The girl passes out the cupcakes, we sing happy birthday to her, and Augusta still had not come back. As the kids begin eating, he finally returns. (note: the cupcakes looked nasty, as they had bright red frosting. But they were made at a bakery, so I did not complain.)
Augusta walks in and sits down at the table. He takes one look at the cupcake and gets so angry that he turns it over and smears it all over the table. He looks at the kid next to him and says "I can't believe you can eat that, it looks like abortion."
I could not help but laugh. It was quite a vivid metaphor.
Then I sent him to the office.
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
Augusta caught in a lie
Tuesday morning the office gets a call. It is Augusta's dad. Augusta had told him that it was "Take your son to work day," but he had heard nothing about it. He was calling to see if this was true.
The secretary checked, and no, this was not true. Augusta had lied and had gotten caught.
He showed up a little later with his surgical mask on. I questioned his lie to his dad, but he whispers to me that he can't talk, he had lost his voice.
The secretary checked, and no, this was not true. Augusta had lied and had gotten caught.
He showed up a little later with his surgical mask on. I questioned his lie to his dad, but he whispers to me that he can't talk, he had lost his voice.
Monday, February 3, 2003
Lunch lady gets the smack down
The lunch lady at our school is a bitch. Not the cook lady, but the lady who takes the money. She doesn't realize that the reason she is there is to ensure that all the kids get a lunch. She is such a had-nosed bitch that if a kid doesn't have enough money for a lunch, she will give them an office pass to go call home for money. The obvious solution, at least to those ofus who actually care about the kids getting food, is to just allow their account to go negative for a while, until the parents are contacted.
This lady doesn't think so. She caused one of my better tards to completely lose it today.
Lindsay's account was 35 cents short of a lunch. Thirty-five fucking pennies. The lunch lady throws an office pass her way and tells her to go call home.
This incenses me. NO ONE talks to MY tards in such a rude manner, especially not some bitch-ass low-rent money counter.
I snatch the office pass from Lindsay and hand it back to the lady, telling her "Lindsay will get her lunch now, and we will call home later."
She says no, that the balance must be paid right then. Lindsay is in tears at this point. She is hugging me, hysterically crying. She looks at the lunch lady and, in between crying fits, tells her that her mom spent her last ten dollars on scratch tickets, and none of them were winners.
The fact that the bitch-ass lunch lady had made Lindsay say this, in front of everyone, was my breaking point. Riti Sped loses it.
I take off one of my shoes, and slam it down on her little table. I tell her that she may keep my shoe until I am able to retrieve 35 cents from my classroom.
All my tards are staring at me, completely silent. Lindsay has stopped crying and is staring at me. I tell her to go get her lunch, that it was OK.
All the tards, for possibly the first time ever, are completely silent.
Lindsay continues through the line, and the lunch lady rings up all my kids. She then looks at me and says that if the 35 cents wasn't in her hand by 1:00, that I would have to wait and get my shoe back the next day. I rolled my eyes at her and muttered the usual "Oh, please."
We get back to the room, and the kids can't stop questioning me about my shoe. You'd think I was William Wallace the way they were dancing around me, recounting the incident.
I call for the principal and tell him what had just occurred. I tell him that her behavior is not OK with me. He agrees, and I ask if he would take her the 35 cents, and bring me back my shoe. He does, and also has a little talk with her.
No one fucks with Riti Sped or her tards.
This lady doesn't think so. She caused one of my better tards to completely lose it today.
Lindsay's account was 35 cents short of a lunch. Thirty-five fucking pennies. The lunch lady throws an office pass her way and tells her to go call home.
This incenses me. NO ONE talks to MY tards in such a rude manner, especially not some bitch-ass low-rent money counter.
I snatch the office pass from Lindsay and hand it back to the lady, telling her "Lindsay will get her lunch now, and we will call home later."
She says no, that the balance must be paid right then. Lindsay is in tears at this point. She is hugging me, hysterically crying. She looks at the lunch lady and, in between crying fits, tells her that her mom spent her last ten dollars on scratch tickets, and none of them were winners.
The fact that the bitch-ass lunch lady had made Lindsay say this, in front of everyone, was my breaking point. Riti Sped loses it.
I take off one of my shoes, and slam it down on her little table. I tell her that she may keep my shoe until I am able to retrieve 35 cents from my classroom.
All my tards are staring at me, completely silent. Lindsay has stopped crying and is staring at me. I tell her to go get her lunch, that it was OK.
All the tards, for possibly the first time ever, are completely silent.
Lindsay continues through the line, and the lunch lady rings up all my kids. She then looks at me and says that if the 35 cents wasn't in her hand by 1:00, that I would have to wait and get my shoe back the next day. I rolled my eyes at her and muttered the usual "Oh, please."
We get back to the room, and the kids can't stop questioning me about my shoe. You'd think I was William Wallace the way they were dancing around me, recounting the incident.
I call for the principal and tell him what had just occurred. I tell him that her behavior is not OK with me. He agrees, and I ask if he would take her the 35 cents, and bring me back my shoe. He does, and also has a little talk with her.
No one fucks with Riti Sped or her tards.
Tard birthdays are non-traditional
Monday was Robert's Birthday. His mom brings in eighty chicken McNuggets straight from McDonallds. Augusta so excited he started jumping around the classroom.
What the hell happened to juice and cookies?
What the hell happened to juice and cookies?
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