This morning, as all the kids were unpacking their things, I notices the old new kid was just sitting there, doing nothing. I said to him, ...

Due to an assembly, the recess times had to be adjusted. Because of this, my class had to go out to recess with the upper grades. My tards...

Augusta comes to school with this huge, cheap, gawdy looking watch on. He was so proud of it, and would position his body in ways that best ...

Ivan and the old new kid are both at the sink, washing their hands before they eat snack. Ivan is half Caucasian and half African-American. ...

I assign classroom jobs to my kids. The jobs include titles such as: line leader, messengers, librarians, door holders, etc. I change these ...

I have been having many problems getting the old new kid to complete and turn in his homework. Keep in mind that the only reason he gets hom...

I am in a fifth grade classroom, observing one of my students while she participates in classroom activities. Lunchtime rolls around, and sh...

Brian's parents are my age and they watch movies and let him watch too. This is all he fucking talks about--movies. Of course I think it...

he new kid came in today wearing a fucking black top hat and had a black plastic cauldron full of gold foiled chocolate coins. The cauldron ...

Lewis is very intelligent, but he displays odd and compulsive behaviors. He is really funny though. He is very good at spelling, and even wo...

The new kids mom has cleverly worked it so that her son is now the most popular kid in my class. She has extended her pattern of daily gift-...

We had a field trip this week. One of the parents was kind enough to drive us. She had the nastiest mini-van I have ever seen. It had crumbs...

Gifts to me from new kids mom this week: - bouquet of flowers - photo album - box of chocolate - cigar from Niemann Marcus - socks with monk...

Augusta's cousin works as a physical therapist for a local sports team. Often, Augusta gets to accompany his cousin to games, and meet t...

Earlier this week, the new kid's mom brought him a meal from Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch. It contained more food then he could eat...

Brad and Tom got into a huge fight about who, out of the two of them, would get to chose from the Friday treat jar first. The Friday treat j...

First of all, I wish to dedicate the following event to all my friends, with the exception of DW, who continue to ridicule, harass, and talk...

Tom came to school today in full form. He was kicking other kids on the playground even before school started. When he came into the classro...

I got a new kid this week. The circumstances behind his arrival at my school are funny. I am at Bally's on the treadmill. I am also on...

I was out on Monday. I get a phone call at about 10:30 Monday morning. The caller ID says it is my work calling. Great, I couldn't wait ...

I don't lock my classroom door during the day. My purse is locked in my cabinet, and there isn't much anyone would want to steal. Ex...

In order to assist the kids in writing out their Valentines, I sent home a list containing the names of every kid in the class. Basically, I...

We had a Valentines day party. The activity was frosting and decorating heart shaped sugar cookies. It was awesome! We had like 10 different...

We had the school nurse do an annual vision and hearing screening today. Every year one is done with each kid in the school, including my ta...

Lindsay is such a sweet little girl. She is generally quiet, compliant, and composed. This is why what happened today is so funny. At the ...

Monday during sharing time The New Kid brings in something I have not yet seen a kid do. Instead of the usual doll or truck, this kid had go...

The new kid hasn't made any friends. I can't understand this. He is possibly my favorite tard right now. He is cute, funny, energeti...

We celebrated a tard's birthday today. She turned eleven. She had brought cupcakes from Safeway. They were not home made. In preparation...

Tuesday morning the office gets a call. It is Augusta's dad. Augusta had told him that it was "Take your son to work day," but...

The lunch lady at our school is a bitch. Not the cook lady, but the lady who takes the money. She doesn't realize that the reason she is...

Monday was Robert's Birthday. His mom brings in eighty chicken McNuggets straight from McDonallds. Augusta so excited he started jumping...

When Tyler arrives at school today, he is very excited about that snack that he brought. He kept asking me if he could tell me something. I ...

Book Orders were due today. Only a few of the kids' parents allow them to buy any books, so it is a major deal. One of my girls really w...

go to another of Tyrell's basketball games. Why? HIS DAD IS IN JAIL AND HE NEEDED A RIDE!!! (He is serving ninety days for three DUI...

Lindsay is a very sweet girl. She has OCD and is always very anxious. Unfortunately, I am forced to take away many of her recesses because s...

A few weeks ago I received an invitation from the local Children's Theater inviting my class and me to a performance of Hansel and Grete...

 Poetic justice is sweet: This story is almost enough turn to make me question my atheist principles. Tyler's father came into the sc...

Remember Tyler's father, the one who mooned a junior high basketball game? He might be the worst parent ever. His son Tyler is a tard, a...

Tyrell was in my class last year. Dumb he was, but not really retarded. He did have major behavior problems though. He was nothing but troub...

As is life, I was so sick on Sunday night that I had to call a sub for the following day. My sub plans included writing words on the kids sm...

Tim refuses to accept the fact that we only use a capital letter at the beginning of our name. He wants to just throw in random capital lett...

Ed. Note: This is written by a guest contributor, who is friends with Riti and once visited her classroom: I met Riti Sped during a spring...

I go to a basketball game at the junior high. I do this because a current student of mine, Mark, has a brother, Dave, playing. He is a forme...

New kid Brian tells me, while standing in line waiting for computer lab that: "My grandpa was in jail cuz he busted up a lot of compu...

Augusta is in the office, waiting to go home because he was touched. It happened during PE, when they were having relay races and he was sho...

Augusta comes to school today with snacks that he was donating to the class. A regular size ziploc sandwich bag stuffed so full of nuts that...

 have to teach them about sex, in a series called "Family Life." I can hardly stand it. Primarily, because I still laugh at words ...

Trevor is in third grade. He was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and as a result if very slow. He is also very bad at reading. He guesses a...

Lewis (from 12/20: Every student is funny in their own way) approaches me and says, "Are you affected by Global Warming?" Me  ...

From Tucker Max: I asked Riti to keep a running journal of just one day in her life. This is it: - Emmy got so excited when I was looking ...

My class forgot everything they had learned prior to Christmas break, so we will spend the week reviewing. We made cards for Tucker today. I...

ugusta has spent every recess inside with me this week, due to his candycane theft before break (see Archive 12/30: Augusta the thief). He...

ugusta has spent every recess inside with me this week, due to his candycane theft before break (see Archive 12/30: Augusta the thief). He...

My best friend Jason is awesome. He is so fucking funny. My students (tards) love Jason for this reason: He is 6'8". He volunt...